jealously.

you know that feeling of your best friend with another friend? you can't do anything bout it.
you saw them together, yet she ignored you.
you cried infront of her, she doesn't care anymore.
you whataspp her, she gives cold & short replies.
what can you do about it? you don't have any friends anymore. without her, is like a life without a heart. can't survive at all..
but what can you do when everyone's blaming you..? do you know that feeling of you feel like cutting but you can't. but who'll even cares? no one will.
what'll you do..? cry..? die..? or try your best to earn the friendship back? what if the friendship can't be earn back anymore..?
she's going to work tomorrow.. despite you telling her that factory have not registered.. do you still think that the friendship is able to be earn back..?

; a day with loves. ♥ x

a well day out with loves. ♥
actually it'as only me and shixi, then in the end, joyce and weiting join us.
we eat at kfc, then went to took neoprints, buy stuffs, walked around, eat, talked, laughed.
guys, jiayouu for tomorrow's MT paper. all the best. mwa mwa. :*

'  我一直渴望的幸福, 消失了.' ♥ x

throwback; teachers' day. ♥

05th♥ - teachers'day celebration&1stmonth with him. ♥ x
so a throwback to teachers' day celebration!
party for the class was awesome overall. :D except for the boys throwing chocolate syrup on the teachers. >< then cleared up class, went to hall. the performance and the skit was awesome! then went back to yumin primary. ♥ visited old classmates and teachers. the memories there was just simply awesome. :D
dancing with the dancers on stage, making jokes around the class, comparing results, running around the level with detergent in our hand before extra classes, going mac after extra classes, truth or dare at the playground. ♥ everything was just simply awesome before secondary school. (':
first year celebrating teachers' day with 1a3. ♥ it'as awesome! x

♥;vivien. 

♥;melissa.

♥;jasmine.

akid. :D

♥;candice&hazel. 

♥;1a3. 

happiness is around the corner. ♥

finally a new blog spot after so long. and finally changed my url. x

' bye august, hey september. ' september, please let it be a good month. x

september-wishes;

• good results for end of year exam & able to get in sec2!
• do well in volleyball. 
• new phone? :x
• more food! :D
• learn new dance?
• gets a chance to perform on stage again.
• be more prettier?
• all couples to last forever. 
• 05th'll last forever. x
• sexylicious-family'13 be more bonded. 
• everything'll be alright.

so. 'after a storm, comes a rainbow.' ♥

everyone deserve to be happy. everyone deserve to get their own happiness.

and treasure the people, things that're around us. 

you'll never know when'll it be gone. and don't regret when it's gone. 

'find our happiness. cause all happiness are just around the corner' x

so, STAY HAPPY&SMILE! :D ♡

deep inside her heart.

-short post after so long-
what're promises when in the end you're still going to break it?
idk how many people had promised me they won't leave me like how others do yet in the end, they still left.
left me alone to face my problems alone.
you blamed me for being too unreasonable, bossy, selfish. but have you ever thought why would i came to this stage? it's because whenever im too caring to those i really treasure, they all left me in the end. you understand the pain? the pain caused. i know. ill never be good enough for anyone. but im not perfect. nobody's prefect. maybe there's. but im me. stop comparing me with others. with her.
spare a thought for me please?
sometimes you don't know but your words can killed someone. though it's a joke.
and even though i doesn't show it, deep inside, ill always remember what you had said.
i had enough. can i just break down and tell others im tired. but others will be like ' tired of what? attention seeker. ' -.-

shining darkness.

i'm just simply tired. i just need someone to listen to all my bullshits problems. they promised me they'll be there for me. yet now? broken promises again & again.
i just wish to live one day without all my problems. i just wish to have someone always there for me. i just wish i could just tell everyone i'm tired & break down. but i can't. :/
i just wish i could just pick up the blade. but i know i can't break my promises. but why do they can just easily break their promises towards me.
♡9days clean♡
' use pain to erase pain '
i'm just scare i can't control myself & pick up the blade. and 9days will just be gone. >< can someone understand my feelings? i know everyone has their own problems to handle, i don't requires they'll everyday put down their problems just to handle mine. i just want someone to listen to my problems. is it very hard?

♡sexylicious team'13♡

decided to blog about my sexylicious team'13 after seeing lixuans' blog. ♡
so, we had already spent 6-7 months together already, we get really bonded now compared to the past. although there's still some teammates disliking each other, but we're still considered as bonded? just because of small things, we quarrelled alot in the past. although now there's still quarrels, but we had learnt to open your heart & accept your teammates for who they're. x
and, thanks to the seniors that tolerate our bad attitude towards them. i hope there'll not be anymore ' seniors&juniors fight ' anymore. learnt to appreciate each other for who they're.
on 5July, we had a ' talk ' with the seniors. we had cleared all the misunderstanding & had a team hug. ♡ lets have more team hugs next time, alright? :3
to my teammates♡, lets continue to work hard together! although training are really tough, coach is really unreasonable, we, as a team, go through it together, alright? lixuan, jiayou in your studies, the team welcomes you back anytime! Queenie, jiayou in your east zone match! all the best! (y) and, i really appreciate everyone for who they're. i love every single one of you. ♡ muackkksss. :*
to my seniors♡ , jiayou for your east zone matchh! i think i'll be there to support you guys de. (y) all the best. all your juniors believe you guys can do it. (y) and, thanks for everything you guys had done. i love every single one of you! ♡ muacckkksss. :*

happybirthdayy. ♡ x

to my dearest baobei, CHLOECHEN. x
yesterday was your birthday. 050600. so here's a short yet sweet letter for you. (:
don't cry after you read this short letter. :p hehehe, just kidding lahh. :D

happy birthday baobei. ♡ x
stay pretty, cute, chiobu, awesome & most important, stay strong, alright.
i'm sorry i didn't follow you guys out to celebrate your birthdayy. ):
i'm sorry for treating you so bad. ><
i'm sorry for everything.
thank you for everything you had done for me. x
lets continue to create more memories together with jane too.
lets go to WWW during this holiday.
ask jane & jovin also. but no ryan & huihwa please. ._.
and please, continue to stay strong. <:
you're doing good right now.
smile more, alright?
i want to see a bright, happy & hyper chloe againn. x
remember, me & jane will be always here for you.
no matter how far are we, we're still there for you.
8numbers away, anything call me.
i might not be able to answer the call immediately, but i'll call you back afterwards.
stay strong for the sake of me, your loves one. (:
don't ever cut again, alright?
and, i love you. always. ♡ x
smile more chiobuuu. :D
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONCE AGAIN. x

never good enough for anyone.

this's shili.
a girl who will be never good enough for anyone.
a girl who tries her best in everything but there's no results.
a girl who's tired of staying strong and then break down, and then the cycles continue.
a girl that won't be appreciate by anyone.
a girl who want to be there for everyone.
a girl who want someone to be there for her everytime when she need someone.
but what if she say everything out, and people turn around, and spread to everyone?
a girl that can only keep everything to herself.
maybe she'll say her problems to some of them.
only some of them.
and to the ' some of them ' , i appreciate you.
and, because of you, i'll continue to stay strong. (:
and i love you guys. ♡ x
thank you ! :D

here staying strong.

finally a holiday after a long school periods. :3

failed 4subjects for mid-year exams. ><

maths&science, all careless mistakes. D: 

geographyy&historyy, didn't memories all the important parts. :/ 

so, when school reopenn, shall work hard. and play less volleyball. :/ 

for June holidays? studying, revision & volleyball ! x

- back to topicc -

shili had changed. she's more happily now adays. :3 although there's still negative & suicidal thoughts in her head. but she had stop doing stupid things to herself.. so it is a good thing right?

 i hope i can still continue to stay strong although there's still many reasons for me to break down & do stupid things to myself againn. 

i have learn to appreciate every single things around me no matter is bad or good. (: 

although deep down, i'll still hate somethings. but i'll accept it no matter it is good or bad. 

stay strong everyone out there.
me heart everyone. ♡
no matter i know you anot.
i want & will be there for everyone. (:
free to find me, anyone ! :D
don't do silly things to yourself anymore, people.
iloveyouguys. x

need help, if you know me, text, whataspp, call or face-face tell me about it, alright.
if don't know me, twitter- @scarsgirl ask.fm- ask.fm/lovingsmtown. (:
i want to be there for everyone. yes, everyone. including those that i don't know. :D
please, don't harm yourself if you're doing it noww. x
there're people who care. (: me, i'll.. x

photos explain everything. x

just simply tired & lazy to typee out how i feel nowww. :x so, some photos to explainnn... (:

everyone'll break down one day., no matter how strong are you. 

and i'll continue to --->

i'll just continue to stay strong no matter what happenn. (:
a big thank you to Zio♥, Guatshin♥, Shixi♥, Sujun♥,Leonidas♥, Felicia♥ & More♥. i
i promise you guys i won't do silly things le.
i'll be there, staying strongg. (:
if you guys need a listening ears, i'm here for you guys ! :D
thanks for everything you guys had done for me.
appreciate lots. ♥ x
without you guys, i think i'll still be the girl that do silly things to herself. :p
i love you guys. ♥ 

dead. x

people always say " if you put in effort, you can the results you want. " but when i really put in my effort trying to get that position, there's no results. ._. is it me myself didn't work that hard? but at least is better than people that be rude to the "teacher" but yet she can get the position i want. the feeling just sucks. is like you know you already put in effort yet the competitor didn't put in any effort yet she can get the position i want to be.
sometimes i just wish i can just change cca or even transfer school. is not because i don't can tolerate the training. i can. :D but is just that, no matter how much effort i put in, it doesn't make any changes. mayybe is me myself aren't important at all. with or without me, life doesn't make any changes. maybe it would be better for my team mates, seniors, friends and family.
you know that feeling when you want to be dead but you just don't havee that courage to do that. yeash, that's me. i feel like i'm not important to anyone, just a substitute for my friends, seniors, team mates and family when they need someone to help themm. >< i just wish to be dead. i know, no one will care if i'm dead or not. when i'm dead, they'll be so happyy. cause no one would bother with my problems, no one will be embarrass if i go out with themm.
i know i'm a ugly bitch. i know i'm not prefect. i know when my friends go out with me, they will feel so embarrass because they have such a ugly friend. i just hope there's one day, my friends, seniors, team mates & family can accept who am i now, and never judge. (: but i know it won't happenn. cause who'll not judge a ugly bitch. so yeahh, i just wish to be dead. ._. you can call me an attention-seeker or what.

i'm just simply tired of everything in life. yes, every single thing in life. :/ i just wish i have that courage to rush out to the road when one car is coming & BANG ! thenn i'm dead, free of problems. and everyone around me will be so happyyy. :D but i just don't have that courage. :/

stop judging.

why must the world be so focus on people appearance, figure, even their attitude. maybe sometimes, some people attitude really sucks but you can't use this point to judge people right? -.- like judging from people appearance you start saying the're ugly, fat or whatsoever.
sometimes they themselves think that they're ugly, fat when they're really pretty, skinny in people eyes. and people around her or i should say haters will start saying they want people to pity them, attention seeker... it is their own comment for their own appearance, figures right, there's no reasons for you to judge them right.
have you ever think how will the person feel after knowingg what you guys said? no. you all won't know how would she feel at all. you know whyy? cause you didn't went through it. can you imagine if the person can't take it and just self-harm herself? so stop judging everyone.

To Jane&Mavis And Those That're Going Through This Now. ❤
ignore what those people say. i know it gonna be hard. but i know you guys can do it ! it's not the first time right? since you guys can face it the first time, this time round you guys can do it too. (y) no matter what the hater say, ignore them. sometimes i know its' hurts alot. cause i went through it too. (: since i can do it, you guys can too. :D remember, i'll be here. always. you guys're beautiful. beautiful in your own ways. ❤ you guys know that, alright. just remember, you still have one bunch of good friends around youu. they'll be there for youu, like me ! although we're in different schools, but we can still meet upp & talk about it. (: you guys're never aloneee. ^^ don't ever try cutting yourself. don't. if you guys need someone to talk to, i'll always be here. x staystrongg, alright? i love you guys, alright. ❤ 我爱你们。❤

everything changed since then.

i just wish to have a more wonderful family. is not that i'm complaining about whatever i'm having now. everybody around me thinks that i came from a rich, wonderful, caring family. but they're wrong. very wrong. i'm not rich. my family wasn't wonderful or even caring. they just treat me as a maid. yes. a maid. whenever they needed me, they will showered me with care & love. but when they don't need me, they throw me aside. i don't have a father when i'm 3. he was arrested by the police. he stole my mum's money, abuse her. now, i have a mother & a brother. i don't know if my father had came out from the jail. people say i'm very independent. but you know why? it is because i know there'll be one day, my mum & my bro will leave me. not die or what. just leave to have their own world. when i was 5-12 year old, mum found another friend. yes. its a man. everytime, when we have dinner outside, he is the one bringing us out & pay for the meal. but you guys can't imagine what he did to me. when my mum wasn't around, me physical abuse me. i bet you guys won't believe it. even my mum don't. she just thinks that i'm lying. no one believe. i know she'll marry him one day. and me? continue to get physical abuse by him? she can't understand how i feels. i know she has her expectations on me. she want me to go NgeeAnn secondary school but i went to PasirRis secondary school. she want me to go to express stream but i went to NA stream. but at least i tried my best. but she don't believe like how her friend abuse me. ._. i never told any of my friends about her friend abusing me. but now, i'm blogging this cause i can't take it anymore. the image of him abusing me is hunting me again. >< i just want someone that can understand me. no matter is a boy or girl. just someone that understand everything that i went through.
sometimes i wonder why parents can't think how their words can affect their children. like how my mum say :" 为什么我会生出你这种女儿。我生猪，狗都比生你好 ! " i know i shouldn't had came to this world. but if you doesn't want me as a daughter, you get kill me even before i'm born, or you can send me to people that want me. how can a mother don't believe their own childrens words? i said i go study. i really did. but you don't believe. keep saying i go out to play & play only. yes, i did play. but i also got study. i try my best not to make you upset or what. but sometimes, you know when i'm doing projects, and you're there saying what :" 去NgeeAnn 根本不用做呢么多功课，谁叫你呢么笨. " i know i'm stupid but at least i'm trying my best to score well.
and can't parents stop comparing their own childrens with their cousins or friends childrens? i know i'm not as smart as my cousin but at least i worked hard. but you keep saying that i didn't. i know you want a daughter like my cousin right? just kill me lah. and you take her as your god-daughter.
i used to think you still love me no matter what you say or do. but now. i won't think it that way anymore. i'll just think that you just treat me a maid or even a stranger that live in your house & take your money to survive.
i don't care if those that read this post & call me attention-seeker or what. cause i just blog out what has been kept inside my heart. i don't care you guys will believe me anot. you might think all this are fake. because in school, i'm like a happy-go-lucky girl. a girl seems like without any problems. (: i don't need anyone to pity me or what.
just photos of my familyy. 

me& my father.

mummy,me&brother.

its shili.

studyydatee.❤

went to Janes' house to studyyingg.
met Chloe at mamashopp at 3pmm. then went to buyy sweets, drinks... :D then went up to Jane houseee. start playying some songs. thenn i'm hungryyy. D: thenn went to buyy mac. for lunch? dinner? i also don't knoww. :p thenn took some photos and played with both her cats. thenn went backk to her room. this time round, we started studyyingg + listening to musicc. ^^ thenn around 6.20pm? we stop studyingg and took more photos... then walked home with Chloe. (:
had a fun dayy. :DD

groupphoto. (:

Janes'Cat. River. (:

after eating maccc. :p

me&Chloe. :D

another groupphoto. :D

eatingmacc. :D

winkkk. (;

before we left. :D

in the lift. :D

junior. believe in yourself.

to that junior of mine.
believe in yourself. i know its hard to believe yourself. me, myself can't do it too. but now, i hope you can do it. for the sake of yourself. i know you're facing lots of problems. i have alot of problems in primary6 too, but i still went through it. (: stop calling yourself stupid. you're not ! no one is. " there's only lazy students, no stupid students. " understand. you just need to work hard & you can get whatever you wanntt. remember, what you're facing noww, your seniors face it too. everyone of the seniors went through it. if you need any of the seniors, you call direct message us or text us. we'll be more than willing to helpp. :D we promise we'll be there for youu. don't ever give up on yourself ! ignore what all your friends, parents or whatever says. you yourself does your best, although you didn't get the prefect results but at least you knoww you had tried your best. (y) stayy strongg. seniors love youuu. :DD

when she came, lesser care.

i use to think she really is trying to care for me. but now, nope. not anymore.
just because one day, another girl came into both our life. the girl use to have everything prefect around her. but now, nope. after he left her. and she is very sad. so she started to care so much about her. and me? started to be left out. she might still care for me. but its different now. really different. ( is not that i'm jealous. ) but really, feeling someone caring for you and slowly she doesn't and get betrayed. that feeling. it sucks alot. >< even when she see me, she just waves. but when she see that girl, she waves, smile & even asked her about her problems. she might she care about me. but sharing the 'care' with someone else. == even when she wrote note for me, its long. i never thought she would get a note from her. but she did receive a note from her. i didn't care much actually. but the problem is. the note was much much much more longer than mine. ): yes. she might be prettier, cuter, more prefect than me. but caring for others doesn't related to their appearance right. i shouldn't care so much now. "caring too much, hurts more." i know she wouldn't care for me much anymore. not anymore. so, i also shouldn't care much.

just thanks to those who had being there for me whenever what happened. those that asked me to stay strong. (': i promise i'll. 

awesome date.❤ awesome class.❤

today was my science teacher last dayy teaching us. ):

todayy, no one knows that it was her last day teaching us. she came in to the class with a smile. (: before she start her lessons, almost half of the class was asking her to sign the handbook so that they can go to the toilet. its like a daily routine for science class. ._. lessons started at 10.55am. lessons started at  11.15am. that's how long we went and came back from the toilet and asking the class to shutup. 

class finally started. learnt about cells todayy. :D HAHAHA. there's a video about cells rap. >< damn funnyy. whole class were like dancingg. and even some seniors walked past around class, started dancingg. :p thenn whole class were back to the noisy class. D: me and hazel was like " 1,2,3. QUIETTT ! " :p lol. whole class immediately shutupp. 

then science teacher gave us a worksheet about cells. want us to do page1-2 before lessons end. before lesson end, she wanted us to stay back after school to take class photo. :D and she need to give us somethingg. but there's time before lessons end. so she gave it.