everything changed since then.

i just wish to have a more wonderful family. is not that i'm complaining about whatever i'm having now. everybody around me thinks that i came from a rich, wonderful, caring family. but they're wrong. very wrong. i'm not rich. my family wasn't wonderful or even caring. they just treat me as a maid. yes. a maid. whenever they needed me, they will showered me with care & love. but when they don't need me, they throw me aside. i don't have a father when i'm 3. he was arrested by the police. he stole my mum's money, abuse her. now, i have a mother & a brother. i don't know if my father had came out from the jail. people say i'm very independent. but you know why? it is because i know there'll be one day, my mum & my bro will leave me. not die or what. just leave to have their own world. when i was 5-12 year old, mum found another friend. yes. its a man. everytime, when we have dinner outside, he is the one bringing us out & pay for the meal. but you guys can't imagine what he did to me. when my mum wasn't around, me physical abuse me. i bet you guys won't believe it. even my mum don't. she just thinks that i'm lying. no one believe. i know she'll marry him one day. and me? continue to get physical abuse by him? she can't understand how i feels. i know she has her expectations on me. she want me to go NgeeAnn secondary school but i went to PasirRis secondary school. she want me to go to express stream but i went to NA stream. but at least i tried my best. but she don't believe like how her friend abuse me. ._. i never told any of my friends about her friend abusing me. but now, i'm blogging this cause i can't take it anymore. the image of him abusing me is hunting me again. >< i just want someone that can understand me. no matter is a boy or girl. just someone that understand everything that i went through.
sometimes i wonder why parents can't think how their words can affect their children. like how my mum say :" 为什么我会生出你这种女儿。我生猪，狗都比生你好 ! " i know i shouldn't had came to this world. but if you doesn't want me as a daughter, you get kill me even before i'm born, or you can send me to people that want me. how can a mother don't believe their own childrens words? i said i go study. i really did. but you don't believe. keep saying i go out to play & play only. yes, i did play. but i also got study. i try my best not to make you upset or what. but sometimes, you know when i'm doing projects, and you're there saying what :" 去NgeeAnn 根本不用做呢么多功课，谁叫你呢么笨. " i know i'm stupid but at least i'm trying my best to score well.
and can't parents stop comparing their own childrens with their cousins or friends childrens? i know i'm not as smart as my cousin but at least i worked hard. but you keep saying that i didn't. i know you want a daughter like my cousin right? just kill me lah. and you take her as your god-daughter.
i used to think you still love me no matter what you say or do. but now. i won't think it that way anymore. i'll just think that you just treat me a maid or even a stranger that live in your house & take your money to survive.
i don't care if those that read this post & call me attention-seeker or what. cause i just blog out what has been kept inside my heart. i don't care you guys will believe me anot. you might think all this are fake. because in school, i'm like a happy-go-lucky girl. a girl seems like without any problems. (: i don't need anyone to pity me or what.
just photos of my familyy. 

me& my father.

mummy,me&brother.

its shili.