dead. x

people always say " if you put in effort, you can the results you want. " but when i really put in my effort trying to get that position, there's no results. ._. is it me myself didn't work that hard? but at least is better than people that be rude to the "teacher" but yet she can get the position i want. the feeling just sucks. is like you know you already put in effort yet the competitor didn't put in any effort yet she can get the position i want to be.
sometimes i just wish i can just change cca or even transfer school. is not because i don't can tolerate the training. i can. :D but is just that, no matter how much effort i put in, it doesn't make any changes. mayybe is me myself aren't important at all. with or without me, life doesn't make any changes. maybe it would be better for my team mates, seniors, friends and family.
you know that feeling when you want to be dead but you just don't havee that courage to do that. yeash, that's me. i feel like i'm not important to anyone, just a substitute for my friends, seniors, team mates and family when they need someone to help themm. >< i just wish to be dead. i know, no one will care if i'm dead or not. when i'm dead, they'll be so happyy. cause no one would bother with my problems, no one will be embarrass if i go out with themm.
i know i'm a ugly bitch. i know i'm not prefect. i know when my friends go out with me, they will feel so embarrass because they have such a ugly friend. i just hope there's one day, my friends, seniors, team mates & family can accept who am i now, and never judge. (: but i know it won't happenn. cause who'll not judge a ugly bitch. so yeahh, i just wish to be dead. ._. you can call me an attention-seeker or what.

i'm just simply tired of everything in life. yes, every single thing in life. :/ i just wish i have that courage to rush out to the road when one car is coming & BANG ! thenn i'm dead, free of problems. and everyone around me will be so happyyy. :D but i just don't have that courage. :/