smiling outside. crying inside.

a fake smile & everybody thinks that you're fine . 

" 为什么我会生出你这种女儿。又笨又丑。我去生猪生狗都比生你好。" 对，为什么你要生我到这个世界上？我知道我笨。我丑。猪跟狗都比我好。如果我是你，我也会觉得生猪，狗，都比生我好。

" wah . volleyball skills so lousy , still join volleyball for what . go join choir lah . so stupid . wonder why you in academic class instead of technique class . maybe even technique class also don't want you . stupid . who want you , so stupid , ugly , a bitch . " yes , my volleyball skills damn lousy , i know . i shouldn't join volleyball at all . if i didn't join , i won't know him , scars won't come .. but at least in volleyball , i know that is still people who cares for me , like ZIO , FELICIA(: maybe choir also don't want me . i know i stupid . shouldn't stay in academic class to drag down others in the class . who want me ? NO ONE . even myself . i also don't want myself . 

but really really really thanks alot to ziozio & felicia. they really help me alot . :x like what i said , i won't regret joining volleyball just because of him . it is because of him , i know the seniors .  and know there is still people out there caring for me . although i don't know it will last long anot , but at least for now , i know . just want to tell them this :" ziozio , thanks for giving me advices and lending me your shoulders when i'm down . thanks for sending me encouraged messages ... telling me i won't be a burden for youu . although i know i'm . :/ anyway , you're never a failure . if you have any problems and cannot find anyone to talk abouut , come find me ... i don't want everytime i'll be the one telling you all my problems ... :p iloveyouuu . (: " 
" feliciaa , thanks for giving me advices telling me that no matter what my family says , they still love me . i don't know if i'm a burden for you anot ... but really , i'm sorry if i am . don't say yourself is useless . no matter if you can help people anot , you're not useless at all . (: if you have any problems and cannot find anyone to talk abouut , come find me ... and horhh , you're never a bitch , okayy . iloveyouuu . (: "